5 Things I Wish Moms Would Stop Doing

5 things I wish moms would stop doing,

5 things I wish moms would stop? I know, do I have the experience to write this? Well. in my 5 minutes of motherhood, there have been things that I have noticed are normalized. These things are somewhat ridiculous and I wish they would just stop. That is why I decided to write this.

Let me just say that my sister had warned me during my early days of pregnancy about what to expect in the new life journey. She had warned me that I would make new friends that were also moms and that conversations would be wild and bizarre. During the time, I thought she was exaggerating, well let me just say now, Sharon you were right.

I have had conversations with other moms which have left me speechless. Again, prompting me to write this blog post. So here are the things I wish would end but probably will never do as they have been normalized.

5 things I wish moms would stop: hear me out

1. Shaming c-section

5 things i wish moms would stop doing
Illustration from Freepik

Since I gave birth, I have openly shared the reasons that led to my c-section. I have made it known to everyone that has ever asked about my birth story that I kept fantasizing about vaginal birth. While others have shown a sense of understanding, others have looked at me with shame written all over their face.

Recently, a friend also shared with some women that she had conceived through a caesarian and was met with the same fate. This irked the life out of me. So, let us address this.

I am so sure everyone or almost every lady dreams of experiencing a vaginal birth. We want to experience that water breaking and the canal opening just to see ahead and the body pop out. It is not a pretty sight, but we believe it is what makes a mom be a mom.

But for the life of God, understand that having a c-section does not mean being weak. It does not mean anyone opted for the easy way out. We all have different reasons why we had it, please do not judge or shame anyone for it.

Just because someone had a c-section does not mean they have had it easy, the c-section recovery process alone is another hell that one has to experience. Please stop this behavior.

2. Underrating other women’s push game

I did not have a vaginal birth, but I have noticed that those that have had a normal delivery have this competition. Women will compete on the amounts of pushes they did before their little bundles came out. I find it so funny, but again, there is a bit of a shame that happens.

One could be narrating their birth story and then mention that they had to push for thirty minutes before their baby was born. Another lady will insert that she only had to push for five minutes. Then you notice their faces get a little bit snobby.

Ladies, how long it takes to push your baby out of your vagina should not be a competition. Because at the end of the day, what is important is that both you and the baby were well and healthy after that ordeal.

The funny thing is when these conversations happen, or in my case, there is always a lady who is yet to have kids. Now, these are unnecessary standards being pushed down their throats.

3. Medicated vs Unmedicated

I did say that these things are weird, but yes, another thing women compete about is whether they underwent labor with the help of medication or not.

Let me just say this, you do not get a seat in heaven for undergoing labor unmedicated. No one will be sent to hell for choosing to have an epidural when they start experiencing labor.

Here comes a twist to this story, others have made this a classist thing too. A friend was boasting about how much the epidural helped with the pain when one mentioned that she did not have it done. The other then made remarks about it being a little too pricey for others.

It was so weird to hear.

4. Making your labor signs as a standard

Just this month, a good friend of mine could have given birth at home just because her aunt kept dismissing all the labor signs she was showing just because “she did not experience the same.”

Ladies, here is the thing, there is a reason why doctors emphasize that every woman’s experience with labor is different. It is not a one size fits all situation, we all see things differently.

The symptoms you show during pregnancy or labor are not going to be the same as others. So, when you are giving advice, be sure to let them know that they could experience something totally different from what you went through. Do not give information that can be misleading and end up harming your friends.

5. Baby Milestones

The last thing I wish moms would stop doing is comparing milestones. I noticed this with the last baby update I shared. Again, the friend who had an epidural made remarks on how her baby started sitting when he was 3 months. Basically saying that mine had taken longer.

Just like pregnancies and labor, our babies are different. They will not all develop teeth at the same time, some jump the gun and start walking the second they are out of the vagina.

All I am saying is, that we have different children with different paths. It is fun when these milestones align with those of our friend’s babies so we can awwww together. But it should never be a competition about my baby doing this before yours. It is tiring.

Moms, stop these behaviors!

Which one of the five irks you the most? If you have others, please share them in the comment section below. Let us vent.

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4 Comments

  1. Unfortunately there is a lot of misinformation especially among new moms i.e. feeding, baby sicknesses, care etc. Just wonder why this is the case considering the hardships women go through during pregnancies

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